Things around here are still a bit stagnant. A flash flood came and went so there was little to do in terms of outside work. The wife mentioned that someone we sorta know is getting paid $5,000 for a website design gig, and even though it shouldn't, it bugged me. I'm not a envious person by nature but it just made me feel like I'm not doing much with my life these days. It makes me feel like I am a loser. A terrible feeling for anyone to have.
I am now in one of those kind of moods in which I question the actions I have made to get to the point I am at today. But dammit, it's hard to be a good dad, husband, and moviemaker. There is just never enough time or money for anything. I look back on my youth and think of how stupid I have been. All of those wasted moments-gone.
Fear and self-doubt is the two reasons why I know I haven't made it far. I know that for a fact. Lack of time and money may not exactly help the situation, yet it is constant self doubt that kills my projects each and everytime. The one thing I want to do is to somehow break away from that and just do something worthwhile. I'm not expecting a Sundance winning flick to somehow spring out of my head, but something that I can look back and say I did that.
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